


Blood is Red, Bruises are Blue, Sukonbu is Sour, I Hate You

by Aliaslisa



Series: Blood is Red, Bruises are Blue, Sukonbu is Sour, I Hate You [1]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Eventual Romance, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-12
Updated: 2015-07-24
Packaged: 2018-04-09 00:49:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4327539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aliaslisa/pseuds/Aliaslisa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in the alternate universe that was created for Gintama Movie 2 (2013). Before Gintoki is sent to the future by the Time Thief, Kagura returns to earth after training with her papi in outer space. The world is in ruins, and she have to accept the offered olive branch from her rival Okita Sougo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally written in October 2014 and posted on Fanfiction.net. Because my English was rather flawed (and kind of juvenile) at the time, I have now redone the language, and changed some of the scenes in the story. I will post the updated chapters here as soon as I'm done with the rewrites. Hope you'll enjoy this story.

**Prelude**

* * *

 

It was a sunlit day with a few darkened clouds, floating lazily by in the sky.

Kagura was riding on the back of her enormous pet dog Sadaharu, taking cover from the sun under her purple umbrella. She was carrying some sukonbu in a white grocery bag, together with some strawberry milk (and other necessities females might need). Although she had stopped eating the pickled seaweed treat years ago, this was a special occasion, a day of remembrance. For she was about to do something she hadn’t done in a long time; visit the grave of Sakata Gintoki. A man she had once deemed a friend, an employer and most importantly, a father figure.

After the silver haired samurai’s disappearance four years ago, Kagura had left earth to join her real father in outer space. She had trained hard, fought many worthy monsters, and now she finally felt she was ready to protect the town and the people she held dear. The friends she’d made in the city called Edo. 

* * *

**Chapter 1**

* * *

 

When she had returned to Edo a few hours ago, Kagura was shocked to find the place in such calamity. The once lively street outside the old terminal was now mere ruins. What had previously been a prosperous shopping district, was now the home of the people who had lost their houses during recession caused by the plague. Crying children and badly hidden bodies of those who had succumbed to the White Curse, were all too visible for the naked eye.

A flush of guilt had turned the yato’s stomach upside down. She would have vomited of the distress, had she not considered herself an adult and a proper lady. She had matured these four years, giving up juvenile things like sukonbu and her cute accent.

Kagura had however found that the convenience store near the cemetery was still in business. Not that it surprised her that much. She imagined there would be quite a lot of people wanting to pay respect to their loved ones. But she guessed her luck began and ended with the open convenience store. For she had not planned anything ahead of time. Issues like ‘how will I get food’ and ‘where will I sleep’ were circling in her head.

The only thing she knew, was that the Shimura residence was off the table, especially after how she had parted ways with the bespectacled Shinpachi. She had longed to see the boss-lady again, and show her how tall she had grown. But facing her former glasses-dad was not worth the trouble right now. She would much rather sleep outside in the rain than face him head on.

After buying her wares, Kagura and her white-somewhat-stallion started ascending the hill leading up to the cemetery. The wind had lightly played with her long, vermilion hair, along the way, tossing it back and forth behind her shoulders. Near the top of the hill, the young woman had been able to spot Gintoki's grave in the distance. The sight made her remember bits and pieces of the funeral without a body, and the harsh words thrown between her and Shinpachi.

 

She sighed heavily, and readied herself to meet her past. She shook her head and rolled her shoulders to ease the tension that had built up due to stress. After she felt a little looser in the neck and arm area, the young woman slid down from Sadaharu’s back and planted her feet firmly on the ground. She petted the dog on his forehead, letting her hands slide through the silky white fur.

"I won't take long Sadaharu," she assured him as she tied the dog to the great gate leading in to the graveyard. She petted him once more, and leaned in to nuzzle his snout, hoping to gain some strength from her friend. She sighed once more before she leaned away, and walked inside the iron gate.

With slow steps, she walked closer and closer to the grave. She could feel a whirlwind of emotions building up in her chest. Reaching the tombstone had felt as if she’d walked through the desert without food or water. It had been long, too long since she’d dealt with her feelings. Kagura crouched down in front of granite marker and placed her offerings on top of it. She sat in silence and watched the carvings of Gintoki’s name on the stone surface. She reached out and traced the letters, contemplating on what she should tell him.

"I miss you Gin-chan,” she finally said. “I wish you would come back from your bender soon. I'm all grown up now, and I'm getting really strong." Her voice was meek, and she could feel a stinging sensation in the corner of her eyes. Kagura’s hands went on autopilot, rubbing the stingy corners. She looked at the back of her fists as she let her hands fall back down in her lap, and was surprised to find tears rolling down her cheeks. “The whole world has gone down the shitters while you've been away.” She continued, her voice nearly cracking. “It's pretty selfish of you to be out wasting my salary away on pachinko and drinking!"

She felt a little bad for her last remark. It might be too harsh to say something like that about the departed. Even if he had been a good for nothing boss, who’d frequently spend her and Shinpachi’s salary on booze and gambling. As she contemplated this, she noticed that someone stood behind her. She rubbed her eyes furiously, hoping to hide the evidence of her sorrow.

"Isn't it a bit selfish to say that to the deceased?" a familiar voice said next to her ear.

‘ _Wait, did this guy read my mind? Just now?_ ’ Kagura thought and turned her head around to look at the proprietor of the voice. Her mourning features dropped into a deadpan expression as she recognized the red eyes of her rival, standing only an inch from her face.

The sadist had changed a lot in the past four-five years. Gone was his familiar black Shinsengumi uniform with the yellow embroideries. Now he was clothed in a red kimono, covered with a white hakama. A beige scarf was hanging loosely around his neck, the ends slowly dancing in the breeze. In addition to the change of clothing fashion, the flaxen locks that he once had kept short; was almost as long as her hair, tied up in a messy ponytail. She thought he looked more like a rebellious joui patriot than a respectable captain of the shinsengumi. Though she supposed he had never been respectable a day in his life.

"I won't take sass from some Battousai wannabe," she replied in a sour tone. Immediately regressing to the way she had always acted around this guy, the childish name-calling and everyting. “What's with the get up? Did you defect or something?"

“Tch” Okita sounded as he walked next to her. He measured her from top to bottom, smirking in the process. "Said the girl who stole the style of Asuna and Orihime and mashed them together. Are you cosplaying or what?" He said, effectively ignoring her question. "When did you come back China-girl?"

 _‘How_ uncute’ Kagura thought. The deadpanned tone of his voice suggested that he didn't really care about the her answer, so she didn't bother to respond to it either.

"Very well then," he said as he crouched down beside her. Elbowing her on his way down.

"Hey!” she growled and elbowed him back. “What do you think you’re doing here you damn brat!? Shouldn't you be torturing some innocent kittens somewhere?"

"Oi, haven’t you heard China? I do that on Fridays now," he replied sarcastically. Kagura couldn’t help but glare at him. Such a disagreeable person, why hadn’t she offed him years ago?

He sighed and continued before she could come up with a clever response. "Well, China, you're not the only one with dead family members. I come here to pay my respects too you know."

His uncharacteristic honesty put her off. She didn’t know how to respond. Nor did she want to be disrespectful if what he said was true. She knew all too well the pain of losing members of the family. Be it blood related or not.

Okita pulled out a small paper bag from within his hakame. Inside the paper bag was a strawberry shortcake, boxed in a cute, pink container. Kagura could vaguely make out the white letters scribbled across the cardboard. It was a word she wasn’t familiar with, but it sounded French as she voiced it out in her head. While the yato had kept silent as she had contemplated, Okita had removed the packaging and placed the cake next to the sukonbu and strawberry milk Kagura had brought.

The man sighed. "He gets a new offering every day… why do I even bother?" The sadist rose as he said the last part. He brushed away some dried grass that had stuck to his legs. He quickly glanced at Kagura, before he turned on his heels and started to walk towards the gate.

Kagura watched him from the corner of her eye, unwilling to turn her head in his direction. "I came back” she started. She noticed that the flaxen-haired man stopped at her words. For a second, she smiled to herself, before she continued to speak. “I came back so I could save everyone from this damned plague,” was her proclamation.

Okita lingered before he spoke. "If you don't have a place to stay yet, you're free to use Kondo's room at the Shinsengumi headquarters.” He sighed, “He hasn't been using it much since… well since he got incarcerated for trying to stalk that gorilla woman you're so fond of.” He turned his head and looked her in the eyes. “You’ll have to cook and clean for everyone, of course.” A sadistic grin made its way across his features, “and you’ll also have to work as my faithful slave for the rest of your life."

Kagura made a displeased sound as a response to his “kind offer”.

"A fair price to pay for my kindness I would say." He shrugged and lazily waved goodbye. He walked out the gate. Kagura could see that he acknowledged Sadaharu before he began descending the hill.

"Tch!" Kagura spat. She was about to shout obscenities back at him. ‘ _What an irritating bastard!_ _Be his slave. As that would ever happen!_ ’ To Kagura’s great misfortune, however, she was in no position to refuse anyone’s hospitality. Even if the hospitality was offered to her from the worst person amongst her acquaintances.

She weighed her options carefully, but came to a most unwanted conclusion. She huffed bitterly and smashed her hand down in the ground.

“Damn you sadist, I'll kill you and take your room instead!”


	2. Chapter 2

"Oi, coming after me so soon?” Sougo smirked and yelled out to China as he saw her ride down the hillside on top of Sadaharu. “You must really want to play house wife. Is your biological clock ticking already?” He continued, “If you ask nicely, I’ll take you down to Yoshiwara and get you impregnated, fetch you a few pennies for the trouble.  
What the former Shinsengumi captain hadn’t anticipated from this uncouth rant; was the fury it evoked in the yato. It had been long, maybe too long since he’d had a worthy opponent. Thus, he grinned in excitement when he avoided the uppercut she sent his way when she reached him at the bottom of the hill.  
“Hey, watch it!” he fumed when she aimed a second kick to his sword arm. He wasn’t skillful enough to dodge the attack this time, but he was able to escape the third one. China seemed to be satisfied with the pain she had inflicted on him, loosening her fighting stance.  
The pain lingered in his sword arm. But, rather than being angry with her and pick a fight like he would have done earlier in their youth. He was more curious as to why she had complied to his offer this soon. His arm would heal straight away anyhow, it always did.  
He gave himself a mental pat on the back, this maturity was far beyond his former self.  
To be honest though, the young man was somewhat surprised that she had come to him so soon. He would have at least expected her to try to fend for herself and live of the land until dinnertime. Maybe even supper if she was being unreasonably stubborn. However, she had called out to him almost as soon as he’d planted his feet on the last step of the staircase leading down from the cemetery.  
“Why did you follow me this soon?” he inquired, somewhat politely.  
"Don't flatter yourself sadist!" It was apparent that the girl was still upset about his lewd suggestions. "It looks like it will rain soon,” she continued in a hostile tone. “And I don't have time to find a place to stay before it starts pouring down. I'm too beautiful to sleep outside by myself. You don't want some gangbanger to take away my innocence now would you?"  
"I'm pretty sure there isn't any innocence left in that vile yato temper of yours," he replied curtly, already forgetting the mature person he was moments ago.  
China pulled took the purple umbrella out of her belt, clicked it and fired a couple of warning shots in front of his feet. "Careful what you say now,” she said and blew the smoke from the tip of the yato weapon, “you don't wanna get impotent now would ya?"  
Sougo rolled his eyes at her poor attempt to sound like a mafia boss. She was still as childish as ever. "Like you'd ever manage to harm me." He said nonchalantly and tilted head to look up at the sky. The brat was probably right though, it looked like it would probably rain soon. Not only would it rain, but he also felt somewhat responsible for her wellbeing. He did owe Danna a fair amount. That's why he had offered her Kondo's bedroom in the first place.  
It started to drizzle, and the two rivals hurried to the Shinsengumi compound without uttering a word to each other the entire way.

Sougo noticed that China was slightly surprised at the state of the HQ. Last time she'd been there was right after Danna had disappeared. She and the glasses came down to fill out a missing persons' report. Hoping the Shinsengumi would be able to find the silver-haired samurai.  
Now, however, the once handsome building had deteriorated so much that it looked more like a haunted house than a place for work and living. A quarter of the members of the Shinsengumi had died from the plague or from futile attempts to uphold the law. Others had quit all together, and joined outlaws fractions.  
The condition had worsened since the chief’s imprisonment a year or so ago.  
'So much for comradery'. Sougo thought sarcastically. Not that he was in a position where he could act all high and mighty himself.  
After Kondo’s incarceration, Hijikata stepped up as the new chief of police. Since he would rather die than take orders from that damn mayonnaise addict, Sougo had relinquished his captain title in order to join the joui patriots instead.  
To his great disappointment, the joui's idiot leader Katsura had gotten himself incarcerated as well. This had in turn led to an alliance between the joui and the Shinsengumi, which both wanted their leaders back. Then the alliance had led him straight back to the Shinsengumi as the eyes, ears and voice of the jouis.  
It wasn't all that bad though, at least he didn't have to bother moving his stuff to another location. It had seemed like a hassle anyway. Other benefits were that he only needed to follow Elizabeth's orders, and was free to cuss obscenities at Hijikata all day without having to worry about bushido, or seppuku as punishment. Besides, it would be easier for him to kill the mayora if they continued to live underneath the same roof.  
Without much ceremony, the former Shinsengumi captain explained the whole of the situation to China.  
  
When he finished briefing her on the details, he led her inside the rundown building, down the hall and to her new room. He smirked as he opened up the sliding doors, and was thoroughly satisfied with her reaction.  
"Uaaaah!" China cried out. "What the hell have that damn gorilla been doing here," she yelled while covering her nose with her hand. "Have all his bananas gone rotten or something!?"  
Sougo had to agree that it was quite the accurate description of the smell. He watched as the redhead hesitantly walked into the filthy room. Forcing down the growing need to laugh at China’s priceless expression.  
"None of us wanted to disturb his room while he was gone," Sougo said and walked beside her. "We thought he would like us to keep it like he did." It was a lie of course. In reality, no one wanted any part of tidying up the room. There had actually been several meetings discussing whether they should burn the room down or not. However, seeing as none of the members were firebenders, they thought it would be too irresponsible to set it ablaze.  
"Who in the world would want to return to a shitplace like this," China said in an irritated tone. She looked down on the floor, and noticed that something had caught her foot. “What is this thing!?” she demanded to know, and tried to kick it away.  
“I think it’s one of Kondo-san’s white underpants,” Sougo deadpanned.  
“White underpants you say?” she answered unconvinced. “Why does it have green fur?” Her eyes turned dark as she frantically began to shake the piece of biohazard away from her foot.  
It was quite the spectacle. Sougo relished it in silence until she finally managed to kick off, sending it flying in the air. They both watched in silence as the boxer flew across the room and hit a portrait of Shimura Otae on Kondo’s dresser. Breaking the frame in the process.  
“Well…” China started.  
Sougo couldn’t hold it in anymore, and began mock her before she could continue "I thought this would be a perfect sty for you. You’ll be comfortable here right, miss piggy?”  
China punched him hard in the shoulder. He didn’t care, this was too funny to not ridicule. But she wasn’t satisfied with just one punch this time. No, she had to know him down to the ground. After knocking him down to the ground, she grabbed a hold of his collar and pushed him up against the wall.  
"How I'm I supposed to sleep in this smell huh? A pretty woman like me should sleep in a castle, handsome princes' adoring me, eating food 'til my stomach is content"  
"This is the best room I have to offer you…” he tasted the words before he said them “princess piggy," he said in an expressionless manner.  
She pushed him harder against the wall.  
Sougo sighed in exasperation. "This is the only room with a private bathroom. Alternatively, if you want, you can share a bathroom with twenty other men. Or wasn’t that delicate innocence of yours important after all?”  
China let go of him slowly. He could see that she was a little staggered, but she didn't say anything. He looked directly into her azure blue eyes and continued in a more serious manner: "This is the safest place for you to stay right now. So don't take my hospitality for granted."  
He fixed the collar of his kimono before he pointed his finger to the hallway "The bathroom is just outside to the right. Kondo is the only one that's been using it, so it's safe to say that it’s as dirty as this room." ‘If not dirtier.’ He mused and smiled wickedly, "but since you're the new Shinsengumi maid, you might as well get used to cleaning up after the dirty men around here."  
Sougo made his way to the door.  
"Thank you," the she finally said. He could see it was hard for her to show him gratitude. "Thank you for letting me stay here,” she continued.  
"No problem” he answered politely. But he couldn’t resist pushing her buttons “princess piggy," he said quickly and ducked out of the room, closing the sliding doors as swift as possible. He could hear something thump against the wall, then glass shattering on the floor. ‘She must have thrown a vase after me’ he smirked. It was too fun, tormenting his rival again.  
"Oh, before I forget slave girl" he called to her from the corridor "I like my meal edible, so please don't make that dark matter your gorilla friend is so fond of cooking."  
He could hear some ruckus stirring from the other side of the sliding door. She was probably smashing the entire room to pieces, not that it would do much difference to the place in any case.  
He put his hands in his pockets and started to walk towards mayora's room. Whistling a happy tune. He knew he had to tell him about their new houseguest.  
When he was about to knock on Hijikata’s door: he could hear a faint woman's scream from the other side of the building.  
“Guess she found Kondo’s bathroom” he smirked and opened the sliding door.


	3. Chapter 3

After smashing nearly every breakable object in the room, Kagura stomped out to the hall to inspect her private bathroom. She took a deep breath and let her hand rest on the handle while she readied herself for what was to come.

Although she had expected the worst, she could never have foreseen the capability of Kondo dirtying a bathroom. The walls and the inventory were all completely covered in some weird green mucus, and the smell, what was that smell?

She put her hand in front of her mouth, hoping she wouldn’t vomit. She hadn’t done that since she was a kid. She tried to convince herself that grownups were capable of handling filth of this magnitude with ease.

But Kagura wasn’t a grownup.

The yato wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. The stench of her own sick somehow made the smell in the room more bearable. 

“That asshole!” Kagura screamed from top of her lungs, clenching her fists in irritation. “I just know he loves this. That damn sadistic bastard!”

She punched a hole in the wall. Though it mattered little for the overall appearance of the bathroom. "I'm gonna kill that fucking sadist! I'll stuff that shithead's shithead in this shitting shitter." She used her free hand to pinch her nose, "God damn what have that gorilla been doing in here, did he make kusaya? It distinctly smells like kusaya! Why in the world would he be making kusaya in his bathroom _?"_

Kagura had to hurry outside to get some fresh air, lest the fog of toxic waste would slowly kill her. The drizzling rain had already stopped, and she could spot the reddish evening sun peeking through the dark clouds in the distance.

Luckily the shower hadn't lasted that long. She couldn't bear the thought of Sadaharu standing outside in this cold all alone. And yet, she had to spare the dog's life by not taking him inside the house.

The smell of the lavatory would surely kill a dog with such keen sense of smell.

She huffed as she tried to wash the toilet.

Her movements were violent as she grabbed the next unlucky cloth that would meet its untimely destiny in the hell of all hells. She had been at it for at least ten minutes. Yet none of the green substance had yielded to her strength and bottle of 90% pure alcohol.

There was no use. She sighed and tossed the cloth in the ever-growing mountain of used rags. But in this moment of silent contemplation, she got a rather brilliant idea. (This idea was mostly due to the toxic fumes emitted from the alcohol and the toilet, a deadly combination of course)

 _'If I just burn down this bathroom to the ground, I won't have to clean it.’_ She smiled wickedly at her own brilliance. “Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust” she mumbled and pushed herself up from the ground.

The sudden rush of blood to her head, washed over her like a destructive tsunami, giving her an even better idea.

“If I burn this entire building down,” she mused aloud “I won't have anything to clean ever again. And if I'm really, really lucky, Santa will kill the sadist shithead as an early Christmas present.” Kagura grinned triumphantly

Forgetting that alcohol is highly flammable, the yato went outside to gather firewood for her bulletproof plan.

As she stood there, punching down the trees with her naked fist in the compound's training ground, a familiar figure entered from main gates and approached her.

"Hi there Kagura-chan” the friendly voice of Yamazaki Sagaru said when he made his way next to her. “It’s been a long time. I hope you’re doing well." The Shinsengumi inspector smiled politely while he waited for his reply.

Kagura gave him a sideways gaze before she continued collecting wood. "Hi there Jimmy," she said with nonchalance.

Yamazaki faltered a little and sighed, "I know I'm plain, but you should know my name by now…"

She shrugged. The yato had never really paid much heed to the guy. He was like a background object. Like a plant or a vacuum cleaner.

He sighed again at the lack of her response. "I didn't know you'd returned yet, what are you doing here?"

She rolled her eyes. Like Yamazaki had asked a question with the most apparent answer ever. "Are you blind? I'm gathering fire wood of course!"

"Ah I see," he said awkwardly and rubbed his chin. "It's getting chillier these days. Do you need any help?"

Kagura nodded as she continued to punch the tree into neat little blocks.

After killing enough trees and collecting a sufficient amount of wood, they decided to call it quits and carry their resources inside the HQ.

"Where do you want me to put this down?" Yamazaki said in his usual helpful tone.

"You can just leave it in my bedroom," she chirped, happy to be done with her chore.

While Yamazaki was unloading his cargo, Kagura continued further in to the bathroom. She cheerfully threw everything she was holding in the bathtub. She rubbed her hands together, only seconds away from laughing like a crazy Bonde villain.

There was only one item missing for her masterplan to be set in motion. "Yamazakiiii!" she called in an overly sweet tone, "do you have any matches?"

"Ah, sorry Kagura-chan, I don't have any" she could hear from the room across the hall.

Kagura crossed her arms and pouted. She was so close! What could she do? she came to realize that there was someone in the HQ that most definitely would be in possession of something flame generating.

"Yamazakiiii," she called once again, the tone of her voice still glazed with artificial sweetness. “Do you know where that mayora-fetis… I mean, do you know where Hijikata-san is?"

"The chief? He's probably in his room, go down the hall and take a left. His name should be on the door. If you reach the cafeteria, you’ve gone too far."

“Okay, thaaanks!” she said and walked out of the room. Making sure to close the door behind her so no one would interrupt her plans.

Kagura mouthed the names on the doors down the hall silently as she walked by. She noted where the Sadist room was, and decided to execute her revenge on him when she got the chance. On the door opposite of his, had the name Hijikata Toushirou written across it in large, friendly letters.

Forgetting her manners, Kagura readied herself to kick the chief's door down with her foot, when he fortunately appeared behind her.

"Oi China-brat! What do you think you’re about to do here?” Hijikata said in a vexing tone. He took a cigarette out of his breast pocket and lit it. He took a deep breath while he looked at the yato’s dumbfound look. “When did you come back?" he asked when she didn’t respond to his first question.

"I came earlier today," she said lazily. She had no time for pleasantries; she had already had her fill with Yamazaki’s annoying attempt to small talk. "Do you have any matches I could borrow?"

He raised his eyebrow at her request. "Did you come all the way to the Shinsengumi HQ to borrow matches?"

She shook her head.

He sighed, knowing full well how this girl worked. He took his mayonnaise lighter out of his jacket, and placed it in the palm of her hand. "Don't lose it, OK?” he said in a serious tone. “It's limited edition, it’s irreplaceable"

"Thank you" she smiled and clenched the lighter firmly in her hand. ' _Whit this, I can burn down the entire building. Not only that, but it will look like the mayora-fanatic did it!_ ”Santa must really love me.” She mumbled to herself and turned on her heels to make her way back.

“What was that?” Hijikata asked her, but she was already well on her way down the hall. "Does Sougo know you're here?" he shouted after her.

"Yes. It was the sadist that invited me to stay here!" she replied as she vanished around the corner and out of his line of sight.

Yamazaki was still in Kondo's bedroom when she returned. The firewood they had collected was neatly stacked by the fireplace.

He was now busy cleaning up the mess she had created earlier, and the mess Kondo had created before her again. He didn't seem to mind this kind of busywork and picked up grotesque pieces of clothing while humming a cheerful tune.

He smiled when he noticed her, "ah you're back, did you get any matches?"

"Better, I got his lighter" Kagura grinned and showed him the small mayonnaise bottle.

"Well that's good, why don't we light a fire?" he put the clothes in his arms down in a waste basket, and moved towards the stack of wood.

"Great idea!" she squealed excitedly. "But nature is calling and I have to go to the little ladies room first."

"Okay," he replied cheerfully while putting logs inside the fireplace.

Kagura went back to the bathroom, looking over her shoulder to make sure that no one had followed her to her lair of evil.

She knelt down in front of the bathtub and tried to light the logs she had placed in it earlier. They were unfortunately still too damp from the rain. She gave it a few more, though futile, attempts before she gave up and threw herself all dramatically to the ground.

Kagura sighed. The bathroom won, she was defeated. She put her arms around her legs, effectively placing her in the fetus position. The harsh kasuya smell in the room was still agonizing, but she felt she deserved no less than to sniff the stench of the victor.

"Kagura-chaaan?” she heard from the hallway. “Can I borrow the lighter for just a moment, I've got the fireplace all set up." Yamazaki waited for a moment, before he knocked on the door and asked her again.

When she didn’t reply a second time, the Shinsengumi spy got worried and opened the door carefully. Peeking through the crack. When he got a glimpse of Kagura on the floor, he slowly opened the door open. "Kagura-chan, are you okay?" he asked, worry apparent in the tone of his voice.

"I'm fine, I just couldn't get this damn lighter to work," she said in a defeated tone, holding the lighter above her head. She pressed the switch gently down. Before she knew it, the entire toilet was ablaze.

Kagura looked up at the source of light. She smiled cheerfully and got swiftly up to her feet. "Santa, you really came this year after all!?" She cheered with glee. The yato started to laugh, she had won. She had won the battle against her worthy advisory - the green bathroom. She had taken out its general. The other appliances were now defenseless.

Yamazaki came rushing in with a fire extinguisher, killing the flames in front of her.

Kagura stood there with a shocked expression plastered across her face. It was like the extinguisher had killed the flaming rage inside her body. What the hell had she been doing this past hour? How could she get out this jam with her pride still intact?

He looked at her with puzzlement, and picked up the bottle of cleaning agent she had been using. He turned to the back so he could

Then he noticed the bottle that she used to wash the toilet with. He picked it up and looked at it.

 _"Danger: Should not be used by anyone. Prolonged exposure to this chemical can lead to dizziness, delusions, mood swings, violence, pregnancy, baldness, hypochondria. Parental advisory is advised”_ His eyebrow creased as he read the warning label.

"This could hardly be worth the risk?” A drop of sweat formed on his forehead, “why would such a thing exist as a cleaning agent to begin with… and how does it get you pregnant exactly!?"

He looked at Kagura again and huffed. "Maybe it's better if I clean this up for you? You’re obviously hysterical from the pregnancy. Why don't you go outside for a bit, you should take Sadaharu for a walk or something”. He gave her a worried smile. "Really, there's no problem, I’ll clean this up for you."

Kagura pushed herself up from the ground. "Maybe you're right,” she said and rubbed her temple, “I do have a slight headache.” She made her way to Kondo’s room, so she could get outside and get some fresh air.


	4. Chapter 4

"Oi, wake up you jerk" Hijikata kicked his former comrade lightly in the stomach to get him off of his floor. Sougo didn't budge, and continued to snore loudly.

The chief huffed and proceeded towards the table where he kept his paperwork. He thought he might as well get some work done while there still were some peace and quiet to be had.

 ***** click* a bomb went off.

"Ah, you're still alive Hijikata-san" Sougo said casually, turning over to look at his victim. "I thought I would surely get you this time." He yawned loudly into his hand and moved himself into a sitting position, leaning his back against the wall.

Hijikata had gotten used to these shenanigans and didn't bother to scold him anymore. He just smoothed out his dark afro without saying a word.

After he had put back his hair in its proper, neat place, he stood up and walked over to the sliding doors leading out to the gardens. He opened with great gusto, in order to let the smoke escape the room, replacing it with the fresh evening air. He went back to his table and picked up a piece of paper to study its contents.

His brows furrowed while reading the first paragraph. He swiftly gave up, and crumpled the document in his hand, tossing it aside. He took a cigarette out of his pocket, and lit it with some matches he had laying on the table. "I saw that you have brought that China brat home with you," Hijikata said and exhaled. "She here for a play-date or what?"

Sougo shrugged his shoulders while looking at Hijikata emotionlessly, making the latter sigh. "You’re both so childish… “Why did you bring her here then? Don’t the two you kind of hate each other? Or might this be the payback of a debt you owe to a dead man?"

The flaxen-haired man broke his nonchalant expression and gave him a sourly look, "so what if I am?”

Hijikata was too tired to challenge the younger man right now. Instead he just nodded at his own thoughts and put out the cigarette in the ashtray on the table. He knew there must have been something more to it. It wasn't in the natural sadist's nature to take in stray cats without a reason; especially if said stray cat would get into violent fights with him.

He gave in to his curiosity; he needed to know if Sougo did it for _him._ He sighed again before he spoke, "and why are you doing it for that silver-haired dumbass?"

“Tch” Sougo turned away before Hijikata could lock eyes with him. He looked out on to the evening sky. In a distant voice he spoke: "He helped me protect what was precious to me once. So I should at least help out his exotic pet and her monstrous dog". Sougo said it in an unaffected tone, but they both knew that he couldn’t think about Mitsbua without cringing on the inside.

"Then it'll be your responsibility to feed her,” Hijikata said curtly. “The Shinsengumi doesn't have enough money to keep that kind of glutton satisfied."

"Sure sure, I'll give the piggy plenty of food." He rose from the floor and scratched his head lightly. "I'll be going to the hospital now," he announced.

Hijikata nodded knowingly, "say hello for me would you?"

"No, I don't want to ruin anyone's day like that," Sougo said as he left. "Good night. I'll kill you tomorrow Hijikata-san"

"It's 'SEE' you tomorrow' you bastard," the Shinsengumi chief yelled after him.

Sougo walked back to his room, he wanted to have a drink, or five, before he left.

Walking down the hallway, he did something he usually wouldn’t do. He contemplated his best course of action.

This situation wasn’t something he could solve with a sword in someone’s back. It was much more complicated than that. Should he tell her? What should he tell her, how should he tell her? All these questions danced around in his head, but none of them seemed to have a satisfying resolution.

He decided to postpone the issue to a later time. This was something for future Sougo to worry about. The present Sougo was tired after a long they, and he wasn’t in the mood to comfort someone, especially if that someone where to cry. The only thing he wanted to do was sleep, but he knew that wasn’t something present Sougo had the means to do.

When he reached his room, he rubbed the drowsiness out of his eyes and sighed. He put his hand on the handle, “she’s too predictable,” he mumbled. He opened the door in one quick movement, expertly sidestepping a fly kick aimed at his face.

“Ouch” China said as her foot went straight past him, and straight into the hallway wall. Capturing her like she was in a bear trap.

' _Serves her right'_  he thought and continued in to his room. He poured himself a cup of saké, and drank it in one gulp. "Would you like some?" he offered the redhead who were still struggling to free her right leg. Amusing as the sight was, Sougo turned his back to her, and walked out to his patio. Sake bottle in one hand, two cups in the other.

She joined him minutes later, after she had finally freed herself.

They sat on his porch, drinking in silence and watching the stars in stillness.

The bottle was almost empty when the red-haired girl broke the silence "I heard everything you and the mayora talked about" She took a large sip of her saké.

"I know." He noticed the fleeting expression of surprise making its way across her face. “You’re not as stealthy as you think,” he continued briskly. “It’s a wonder that you’re still alive after all these years.”

She clicked her tongue. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop," she said, a little flushed. She paused and tried to take another sip, hoping to gain some more courage. She emptied her cup, and Sougo refilled it for her.

She took another sip before she explained herself. "I was just taking Sadaharu for an evening stroll through the gardens. Then I heard the two of you talking about me...”

It didn’t really matter to him that she had heard their conversation, but he let her say what she wanted anyway.

“I couldn't resist," was the ending to her justification.

Sougo smirked a little. She was still such a child. "It doesn't matter," he said, trying not to seem affected by her. Talking like this… he knew he had to tell her the truth.

"And I'm not Gin-chans pet." She exclaimed and folded her arms defiantly.

"Sure sure," he answered, deep in thought.

She punched him in the arm, hoping to lead him back to her plain of existence. "Hey, are you even listening to me you brat!?”

China was still as impatient as ever. With the added effect of the saké on top of that, it didn’t take long before she had Sougo’s scarf in her hands, choking him as punishment for ignoring her. She loosened her grip when she saw the raw look in his eyes.

His usual cold glare was something of the past. The present look was worried, burdened by carrying too much on his own.

"What's wrong?" she let go of his scarf, taking a mental note to kill him for that pet comment later.

Sougo rubbed his neck. She had really put some effort into it. "Go get yourself some warmer clothes." He said and drank the last of the bottle's content. He wiped his mouth with his sleeve "I'm taking you to the hospital"

China tensed up "Is that a threat?” Her eyes had widened by his sudden shift in character, “You're not making any sense"

"I'm not putting you in the hospital you dumbass, I have to show you something there.” He said calmly. “Hurry and go get dressed, we don't have all night!"


End file.
